Week 3

Welcome to my week 3 recap!

Last Monday we all had a difficult choice to make; partake in the American tradition of Monday Night Football or fulfill our civic duty to be informed about the presidential debate. I'm going to help everyone out by featuring gifs from both the NFL and the presidential debate in today's coverage so you can experience both at the same time. Enjoy!

         

Ministry of Silly Walks vs. Fantasyland Fits of Fantasy

FINAL SCORE: 88 - 127

WINNER: Fantasyland Fits of Fantasy

Coach Patrick got thiiiiiiiiiis close to beating the league high score of 129. He posted an impressive 127 nonetheless that was led by New Orleans QB Drew Brees on Monday night. Brees threw 376 yards in the game for 3 touchdowns and made 25 points yet somehow the Saints still managed to lose to the Falcons. (Oh well, not Coach Patrick's problem).

Kristin was let down this week by Big Ben Roethlisberger from Pittsburgh. They lost a baffling game to the Eagles 3-34 and Ben managed to throw 1 more interception than touchdowns. All-in-all not a good week for the Steelers, hopefully they manage to get it together next week.

On the positive side of things- Kristin's second highest scorer this week was Seahawk's tight end Jimmy Graham who caught for 100 yards and 1 touchdown! Let's hope he keeps that up!

   

Team Vogel  "Vogellites" vs. Brandonia Dr0idz

FINAL SCORE: 125 - 98

WINNER: Team Vogel

Creatively named Team Vogel pulled out an impressive win against the Brandonia Dr0idz. She was just a couple points behind Patrick's attempt at breaking the high score. What's more amazing is that the Vogellites probably could have beaten it if they had played a healthy tight end. That's right, Coach Jenny got 125 points while playing an injured tight end who got 0 points.

That's pretty impressive! Both of her wide receivers scored 23 points each! On top of that, running back Devonta Freeman from Atlanta racked up 26 points despite only getting a single touchdown on Monday night.

On the other side of this high-scoring matchup, Coach Brandon also left in an injured player in his running back slot.

Just think of how many more points there could have been this week with fully healthy teams! The commish will be sure to do a better job of reminding people in week 4, so we can certainly look forward to some high scores from these two teams!

   

Commissioner Goodell vs. Team Rish "Rishians"

FINAL SCORE: 77 - 116

WINNER: Team Rish

Creatively named Team Rish won with another 3 digit score this week. Coach Rish was showing off her impeccable taste in kickers with Justin Tucker from Baltimore who kicked for 17 points. I think that's a kicker high score for the season, so we'll give the Rishians the smoothest kicker of the week award.

Fresh off a high scoring week, Commissioner Goodell stumbled in week 3 by posting the league's lowest score. I guess that's what happens when all but 2 of your starters lose their games. Carson Palmer threw 4 interceptions in the Cardinal's loss to Buffalo (good for the Seahawks! bad for coach Skyler.), Julio Jones dropped 6 of the 7 passes thrown at him and Brandin Cooks dropped 6 of the 8 passes thrown at him.

This opens up some big questions for coach Skyler about what to do with his team next week.

      

Space Cowboys vs. Team Pup 'n Suds

FINAL SCORE: 81 - 84

WINNER: Team Pup 'n Suds

This matchup was the closest one of the week and it came down to the wire Monday night. All day Sunday, the ESPN score estimator flipped back and forth between predicted victories for the two teams every couple hours. It was about as exciting as fantasy football can get!

The difference was made when the Space Cowboy's final player was injured during the first half of Monday's game. If he had been able to finish the game it's very possible coach Brandon could have pulled off the win.

Although coach Brandon's single injury ended up losing him the game, in the long run it isn't as bad as the three potential injuries that coach Andre will have to deal with as week 4 approaches. His RB had a severe high ankle strain, Dez Bryant is going through an MRI early this week to check up his knee, and Michael Floyd is going through the league's concussion protocol before he is cleared to play again.

This is the official league reminder to all professional football players who may be reading this: please play safe! :(

   

BYE WEEKS
Week 4 starts the NFL "bye" weeks where teams get a single week off. Make sure that none of your players are on a bye week before Thursday starts.

Green Bay, Philadelphia

This concludes my attempt to push politics and football together.

Thanks for reading!

Coming up next week...

Space Cowboys (1-2) vs Commissioner Goodell (1-2)

Team Vogel (2-1) vs Ministry of Silly Walks (1-2)

Brandonia Dr0idz (1-2) vs Fantasyland Fits of Fantasy (2-1)

Team Pup 'n Suds (2-1) vs Team Rish (2-1)

Week 2

Welcome back to the second week of fantasy football! We have a unique outcome at the end of week 2, everyone is now tied at 1-1. Congratulations to every team that lost last week, because you won this week!

Commissioner Goodell vs. Fantasyland Fits of Fantasy

FINAL SCORE: 129 - 104

WINNER: Commissioner Goodell

Coach Skyler had a second great week and managed to surpass the previous season-high score that was set by his beautiful wife. Commissioner Goodell now holds the league high-score and wins the award of "Best Human Being Ever."

Disclaimer: This blog is written by a stakeholder in the fantasy team "Commissioner Goodell." Opinions and award names may be biased.

The Arizona Cardinals had a great week beating up the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, so coach Skyler's quarterback, running back and kicker all had great scores. However, surprise help came to both the Commissioner and the Fits of Fantasy from their defenses. The Denver defense scored 2 touchdowns on pick-6's giving 23 points for coach Skyler while the Arizona defense had 4 interceptions and a fumble return along with 3 sacks which netted 22 points for coach Patrick.

Coach Patrick put up a good fight and would have won most other matchups this week. The only smudge in his team this week was the San Francisco running back Carlos Hyde, who played more like Carlos Jekyll against Carolina and only managed to get 2 points after poor rushing and a fumble.

Ministry of Silly Walks vs. "Team Rish"

FINAL SCORE: 65 - 99

WINNER: "Team Rish"

Creatively named "Team Rish" took the win away from the Ministry of Silly walks this week with a strong 99 point performance. 29 of those points came from Cam Newton as he walloped San Francisco on Sunday. The only letdown on coach Rish's squad was a disappointing tight end from New Orleans who managed to only catch 2 of 8 passes and ended up with 2 points. I doubt this poor performance will be bad enough to deter coach Rish from football tight ends, but maybe she should try a different one next week though.

Coach Kristin had a rough week. Her starting wide recievers and running backs managed to pull in only 11 points total. It didn't help that Jonathan Stewart, the running back from Carolina, was injured and will likely be out for several weeks. The only place her team performed as well as it did last week was at tight end, where Delanie Walker from Tennessee showed us all how tight ends are meant to be by catching all 6 passes his way including 1 touchdown, and getting 14 points. Coach Rish- take note.

Brandonia Dr0idz vs. Space Cowboys

FINAL SCORE: 62 - 67

WINNER: Space Cowboys

In the first battle of Brandons, the Space Cowboys managed to get the win. This was the closest matchup of the week and the score was close all the way to the very end. Unfortunately, both teams were hit with injuries. Star running back Adrian Peterson left the game with an injured knee against Green Bay and running back Doug Martin from Tampa Bay left with a hamstring injury in their loss to Arizona. It wasn't just running backs going out with injuries, wide receivers Brandon Marshall and Doug Baldwin (oh no!) are questionable for next week after injuries.

The bright side for the Brandons came from their quarterbacks, Aaron Rodgers and Blake Bortles, who luckily both managed to stay healthy. Coach Brandon and coach Brandon may have to do some trading and swapping around with their bench to assemble a healthy team for week 3.

"Team Vogel" vs. Team Pup 'n Suds

FINAL SCORE: 78 - 119

WINNER: Team Pup 'n Suds

Coach Andre had an excellent week recovering from his slow start in week 1. He had a hefty 28 points from  New York running back Matt Forte, 24 points from Oakland quarterback Derek Carr and 18 points from both his kicker and tight end. All around a very strong showing! Who needs suspended Tom Brady when your team is playing like this.

Creatively named Team Vogel still had some good things going for her in the loss to Pup 'n Suds, and mostly those things came from Texas. The Houston Texans defense was high scoring this week and the Dallas Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott managed to get 12 points despite a fumble. Coach Jenny was let down by a weak performance by quarterback Russell Wilson, who got one of his lowest fantasy scores of his NFL career. Don't lose hope though coach Jenny! We are all rooting that Russell will be back to his regular form next week.

Speaking of which...

Coming up next week...

Commissioner Goodell (1-1) vs Team Rish (1-1)

Ministry of Silly Walks (1-1) vs Fantasyland Fits of Fantasy (1-1)
Space Cowboys (1-1) vs Team Pup 'n Suds (1-1)
Team Vogel (1-1) vs Brandonia Dr0idz (1-1)

Week 1

Welcome friends to the inaugural season of friendly fantasy football! In order to keep our apathy in check, I'll be writing a weekly summary of the match-ups including impact players, surprise comebacks, injuries, duds and too many gifs. Kindly scoot to the edge of your seats and let's make the random number generator that is American Football as exciting as it can be!

 

Commissioner Goodell vs. Ministry of Silly Walks

FINAL SCORE: 104 - 113

WINNER: Ministry of Silly Walks

In the week 1 match-up between newlyweds Skyler and Kristin, coach Kristin proved that she is indeed Skyler's better half (by 9 points). In fact, when this sports reporter investigated, he could find absolutely nothing wrong with Coach Kristin's fantasy football decision making or for that matter anything with her at all.

The Ministry of Silly Walks had a combined 48 points from the receiving duo of Pittsburgh's Antonio Brown and Cincinnati's A.J. Green. Pittsburgh's Big Ben Roethlisberger tacked on another 22 points to secure the highest score of the league this week. Commissioner Goodell put on a good fight with an tidy 28 points on the ground from Pittsburgh's DeAngelo Williams, but he couldn't quite keep up. He was probably just distracted by how awesome she is.

 

Fantasyland Fits of Fantasy vs. "Team Rish"

FINAL SCORE: 109 - 106

WINNER: Fantasyland Fits of Fantasy

Creatively named "Team Rish" started off fast with quarterback Cam Newton and running back C.J. Anderson on Monday night totaling 45 points on Thursday night. By mid-day on Sunday she was up 100 points to 40.

Just when coach Patrick was ready to throw in the towel, an impressive 30 point performance by New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees brought him back into the game Sunday evening. He finally managed to get ahead with the help of 20 points from San Francisco running back Carlos Hyde late Monday night. This gives Coach Patrick the title of "Comeback King of the Week."

Patrick's victory came at a price however as Denver wide receiver Demaryius Thomas was injured and is questionable for next week.

 

Space Cowboys vs. "Team Vogel"

FINAL SCORE: 66 - 70

WINNER: "Team Vogel"

The local fan appeal of Tyler Lockett, Christine Michael, Steven Hauschka, the entire Seahawks defense AND the amazing Blake Bortles was not enough to give coach Brandon the 'W' in his close week 1 match up against creatively named "Team Vogel".

The Space Cowboys were dragged down by a 0 point performance from Green Bay tight-end Jared Cook and a single point from Seattle receiver Tyler Lockett (who hopefully just had an off day!).

Coach Jenny managed to win the game with a balanced attack of 4 different players with 10 or more points. However, she had two injuries to her all-star squad, with San Diego star receiver Keenan Allen out for the season with an ACL injury and a scary ankle injury to star quarter back and perfect human being Russell Wilson. We should all say an extra little RW prayer this week so the football gods will let him be ready for week 2 against the Rams.

  

Brandonia Dr0idz vs. Team Pup 'n Suds

FINAL SCORE: 88 - 72

WINNER: Brandonia Dr0idz

In his first match up of the season, coach Brandon is showing all of us how American football is done in Canada by posting the highest score in the "West" Blitz of Apathy division.

The Brandonia Dr0idz won with a set of star players close to our northern boarder, featuring "practically Canadian" Aaron Rodgers from Green Bay posting 22 points and Doug Baldwin from "basically south Vancouver" Seattle adding on another 15 points.

Coach Andre put up a good fight with his replacement quarterback Derek Carr filling in for "Deflategate" suspended Tom Brady. Ultimately however, he was held back by a surprising 0 point performance from Dallas' Dez Bryant (a usual superstar) and another goose egg from the Kansas City Chief's defense. The rest of his players did very well, so we should expect to see a strong performance from Team Pup 'n Suds in week 2.

Speaking of which...

  

Coming up next week...

Fantasyland Fits of Fantasy (1-0) vs Commissioner Goodell (0-1)

Ministry of Silly Walks (1-0) vs Team Rish (0-1)

Brandonia Dr0idz (1-0) vs Space Cowboys (0-1) ***BATTLE OF THE BRANDONS***

Team Vogel (1-0) vs Team Pup 'n Suds (0-1)