Week 1

Welcome friends to the inaugural season of friendly fantasy football! In order to keep our apathy in check, I'll be writing a weekly summary of the match-ups including impact players, surprise comebacks, injuries, duds and too many gifs. Kindly scoot to the edge of your seats and let's make the random number generator that is American Football as exciting as it can be!

 

Commissioner Goodell vs. Ministry of Silly Walks

FINAL SCORE: 104 - 113

WINNER: Ministry of Silly Walks

In the week 1 match-up between newlyweds Skyler and Kristin, coach Kristin proved that she is indeed Skyler's better half (by 9 points). In fact, when this sports reporter investigated, he could find absolutely nothing wrong with Coach Kristin's fantasy football decision making or for that matter anything with her at all.

The Ministry of Silly Walks had a combined 48 points from the receiving duo of Pittsburgh's Antonio Brown and Cincinnati's A.J. Green. Pittsburgh's Big Ben Roethlisberger tacked on another 22 points to secure the highest score of the league this week. Commissioner Goodell put on a good fight with an tidy 28 points on the ground from Pittsburgh's DeAngelo Williams, but he couldn't quite keep up. He was probably just distracted by how awesome she is.

 

Fantasyland Fits of Fantasy vs. "Team Rish"

FINAL SCORE: 109 - 106

WINNER: Fantasyland Fits of Fantasy

Creatively named "Team Rish" started off fast with quarterback Cam Newton and running back C.J. Anderson on Monday night totaling 45 points on Thursday night. By mid-day on Sunday she was up 100 points to 40.

Just when coach Patrick was ready to throw in the towel, an impressive 30 point performance by New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees brought him back into the game Sunday evening. He finally managed to get ahead with the help of 20 points from San Francisco running back Carlos Hyde late Monday night. This gives Coach Patrick the title of "Comeback King of the Week."

Patrick's victory came at a price however as Denver wide receiver Demaryius Thomas was injured and is questionable for next week.

 

Space Cowboys vs. "Team Vogel"

FINAL SCORE: 66 - 70

WINNER: "Team Vogel"

The local fan appeal of Tyler Lockett, Christine Michael, Steven Hauschka, the entire Seahawks defense AND the amazing Blake Bortles was not enough to give coach Brandon the 'W' in his close week 1 match up against creatively named "Team Vogel".

The Space Cowboys were dragged down by a 0 point performance from Green Bay tight-end Jared Cook and a single point from Seattle receiver Tyler Lockett (who hopefully just had an off day!).

Coach Jenny managed to win the game with a balanced attack of 4 different players with 10 or more points. However, she had two injuries to her all-star squad, with San Diego star receiver Keenan Allen out for the season with an ACL injury and a scary ankle injury to star quarter back and perfect human being Russell Wilson. We should all say an extra little RW prayer this week so the football gods will let him be ready for week 2 against the Rams.

  

Brandonia Dr0idz vs. Team Pup 'n Suds

FINAL SCORE: 88 - 72

WINNER: Brandonia Dr0idz

In his first match up of the season, coach Brandon is showing all of us how American football is done in Canada by posting the highest score in the "West" Blitz of Apathy division.

The Brandonia Dr0idz won with a set of star players close to our northern boarder, featuring "practically Canadian" Aaron Rodgers from Green Bay posting 22 points and Doug Baldwin from "basically south Vancouver" Seattle adding on another 15 points.

Coach Andre put up a good fight with his replacement quarterback Derek Carr filling in for "Deflategate" suspended Tom Brady. Ultimately however, he was held back by a surprising 0 point performance from Dallas' Dez Bryant (a usual superstar) and another goose egg from the Kansas City Chief's defense. The rest of his players did very well, so we should expect to see a strong performance from Team Pup 'n Suds in week 2.

Speaking of which...

  

Coming up next week...

Fantasyland Fits of Fantasy (1-0) vs Commissioner Goodell (0-1)

Ministry of Silly Walks (1-0) vs Team Rish (0-1)

Brandonia Dr0idz (1-0) vs Space Cowboys (0-1) ***BATTLE OF THE BRANDONS***

Team Vogel (1-0) vs Team Pup 'n Suds (0-1)