2018 - Week 4

Hm... This is strange. I don't feel like Commissioner Goodell. Oh that's right, I'm Coach Brandon (of the American variety)! I'll be filling in for Skyler because he's a lazy bum.

Yeah, you rest up this time

Since I'm handling things this time, prepare yourself for a dramatic increase of bad jokes and anime gifs.

I will not apologize

---- Current Standings ----

1	4-0	CRAB	Mixon's I am not a Crab	Coach Patrick
2	4-0	TACO	Taco Tuesdays	Coach Shane
3	3-1	GOOD	The Good Commish	Coach Skyler
4	2-2	MoSW	Ministry of Silly Walks	Coach Kristin
5	2-2	SUCH	Sports and Such	Coach Brandon
6	2-2	HL3	Gordon Freeman	Coach Nicholas
7	2-2	RISH	Green Bay Mermen	Coach Anna
8	1-3	Side	PNW Western WA East Siders	Coach Brandon
9	0-4	EGG	Seattle Handegg Squad	Coach Andre
10	0-4	HAM	Hamtown Hamboys	Coach TJ

---

League Wide Winners and Losers

All-Star Players

CRAB	Cooper Kupp	FLEX	LAR	37.2 pts (+22.0, over projected)
GOOD	Andrew Luck	QB	Ind	35.7 pts (+18.4, over projected)
TACO	James White	FLEX	NE	31.2 pts (+16.7, over projected)
GOOD	George Kittle	TE	SF	24.5 pts (+15.3, over projected)
EGG	Amari Cooper	WR	Oak	26.8 pts (+15.1, over projected)

Bust Players

RISH	Ryan Tannehill	QB	Mia	0.0 pts (-17.3, under projected)
HAM	Jordan Howard	RB	Chi	2.5 pts (-12.9, under projected)
GOOD	Sammy Watkins	FLEX	KC	0.0 pts (-12.4, under projected)
EGG	Dalvin Cook	RB	Min	2.0 pts (-11.8, under projected)
TACO	Michael Thomas	WR	NO	8.7 pts (-11.5, under projected)

Best of the Bench

HL3	Golden Tate	Bench	Det	33.2 pts (+18.1, over projected)
CRAB	Kirk Cousins	Bench	Min	31.7 pts (+15.7, over projected)
HAM	Derek Carr	Bench	Oak	31.6 pts (+18.0, over projected)
EGG	Corey Davis	Bench	Ten	31.1 pts (+17.7, over projected)
HL3	Jared Cook	Bench	Oak	31.0 pts (+21.3, over projected)

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Mixon's I am not a Crab vs Green Bay Mermen

WINNER: Mixon's I am not a Crab

PROJECTED SCORE: 138.2 - 124.7

FINAL SCORE: 184.6 - 90.0

Star Players:

CRAB	Alvin Kamara	RB	NO	41.1 pts from 181 yds; 3 TD; 19 RUNS
CRAB	Cooper Kupp	FLEX	LAR	37.2 pts from 162 yds; 2 TD; 9/11 REC
CRAB	Matt Ryan	QB	Atl	29.3 pts from 419 yds passing; 3 TD; 0 INT

Underachievers:

RISH	Ryan Tannehill	QB	Mia	0.0 pts (-17.3 projected) from 100 yds passing; 0 TD; 1 INT
CRAB	Lamar Miller	RB	Hou	4.9 pts (-9.1 projected) from 49 yds; 0 TD; 14 RUNS
RISH	Stephen Hauschka	K	Buf	0.0 pts (-6.7 projected) from 0/0 field goals; 0/0 XP

Not content with the league high score of 180, Coach Patrick puts up an impressive 184.6 points to topple his own record!

You've earned your Fortnite dance

It looks like Coach Anna forgot to switch out two injured players before this week's games. Wait no, I misread that... Coach Anna had two players who somehow managed to score a grand total of zero points without injury (including her QB)! Poor Hauschka stepped onto the field only a single time to kickoff.

The Green Bay Mermen fans while watching this game unfold

The Good Commish vs PNW Western WA East Siders

WINNER: The Good Commish

PROJECTED SCORE: 122.8 - 112.0

FINAL SCORE: 168.4 - 164.1

Star Players:

GOOD	Andrew Luck	QB	Ind	35.7 pts from 464 yds passing; 4 TD; 0 INT
Side	Ezekiel Elliott	RB	Dal	34.0 pts from 240 yds; 1 TD; 25 RUNS
Side	Deshaun Watson	QB	Hou	31.1 pts from 375 yds passing; 3 TD; 1 INT

Underachievers:

GOOD	Sammy Watkins	FLEX	KC	0.0 pts (-12.4 projected) from 0 yds; 0 TD; 0/1 REC
GOOD	Mike Evans	WR	TB	11.9 pts (-5.3 projected) from 59 yds; 0 TD; 6/9 REC
Side	Sam Ficken	K	LAR	7.0 pts (-1.9 projected) from 1/2 field goals; 5/5 XP

Commissioner Goodell and I had an old fashioned shootout! With our QBs, Kickers, and multiple receivers in games against each other, Skyler and I were in a constant battle all weekend.

Skyler and I fighting for the lead

Unsurprisingly, the league Commissioner took the win. Probably paid off the refs or something.

Me seeing Chris Carson listed as out at the start of the Seahawks game

Ministry of Silly Walks vs Hamtown Hamboys

WINNER: Ministry of Silly Walks

PROJECTED SCORE: 111.1 - 97.4

FINAL SCORE: 142.0 - 90.4

Star Players:

MoSW	Kareem Hunt	RB	KC	26.5 pts from 175 yds; 1 TD; 19 RUNS
MoSW	Stefon Diggs	WR	Min	23.3 pts from 123 yds; 0 TD; 11/15 REC
MoSW	Philip Rivers	QB	LAC	21.7 pts from 250 yds passing; 3 TD; 1 INT

Underachievers:

HAM	Jordan Howard	RB	Chi	2.5 pts (-12.9 projected) from 25 yds; 0 TD; 11 RUNS
HAM	Russell Wilson	QB	Sea	9.0 pts (-8.9 projected) from 172 yds passing; 0 TD; 0 INT
MoSW	Kelvin Benjamin	FLEX	Buf	4.4 pts (-5.9 projected) from 34 yds; 0 TD; 1/6 REC

In her victory over the Hamboys, Coach Kristin swept the game's star players this week. Her strategy of having her players score a lot of points seems to be working.

Coach Kristin showing her moves

Green Bay can only pull the Hamboys so far with a combined total of 48.2 points, and that's with Randall Cobb's absence (hamstring). Will the Hamboys execute the necessary substitutions to finally taste victory?

The Ministry of Silly Walks capitalizing on the Hamboys' refusal to budge

Sports and Such vs Gordon Freeman

WINNER: Sports and Such

PROJECTED SCORE: 106.9 - 121.3

FINAL SCORE: 132.2 - 120.0

Star Players:

SUCH	DeAndre Hopkins	WR	Hou	32.9 pts from 169 yds; 1 TD; 10/12 REC
HL3	Melvin Gordon	RB	LAC	30.9 pts from 159 yds; 1 TD; 15 RUNS
SUCH	Patrick Mahomes	QB	KC	22.9 pts from 304 yds passing; 2 TD; 0 INT

Underachievers:

HL3	James Conner	RB	Pit	9.4 pts (-8.2 projected) from 44 yds; 0 TD; 9 RUNS
HL3	O.J. Howard	TE	TB	0.0 pts (-7.4 projected) from 0 yds; 0 TD; 0/3 REC
SUCH	Larry Fitzgerald	WR	Ari	5.8 pts (-6.3 projected) from 28 yds; 0 TD; 3/7 REC

A close game going into Monday Night Football, with Coach Nick trailing by only 3.9 points. With both teams having a stake in the final day, did team Gordon Freeman steal the lead?

Coach Nick and this Broncos fan both felt robbed tonight

Coach Brandon clearly convinced Patrick Mahomes to avoid giving Tyreek Hill the touchdowns.

Gotta get serious, can't let Coach Brandon down OR other Brandon, the Chiefs fan

Taco Tuesdays vs Seattle Handegg Squad

WINNER: Taco Tuesdays

PROJECTED SCORE: 137.7 - 112.7

FINAL SCORE: 111.6 - 99.8

Star Players:

TACO	James White	FLEX	NE	31.2 pts from 112 yds; 2 TD; 8/10 REC
EGG	Amari Cooper	WR	Oak	26.8 pts from 128 yds; 1 TD; 8/12 REC
TACO	Todd Gurley II	RB	LAR	25.6 pts from 156 yds; 1 TD; 17 RUNS

Underachievers:

EGG	Dalvin Cook	RB	Min	2.0 pts (-11.8 projected) from 20 yds; 0 TD; 10 RUNS
TACO	Michael Thomas	WR	NO	8.7 pts (-11.5 projected) from 47 yds; 0 TD; 4/4 REC
EGG	Kenyan Drake	FLEX	Mia	2.6 pts (-10.6 projected) from 16 yds; 0 TD; 1/2 REC

Hoping to dethrone Taco Tuesdays' undefeated season, Coach Andre's team was filled with respectable players. However, it's hard to win football games when three of your players have 2 point games.

Some things just don't work our like you plan for

Despite this, Coach Shane had an off day with nearly all of his players scoring in the single digits. But he showed the league what a run first offense looks like.

Coach Shane in awe of his running backs carrying his team to victory

----- Coming up next -----

Week 5

Taco Tuesdays (4-0)	vs.	Sports and Such (2-2)
Mixon's I am not a Crab (4-0)	vs.	The Good Commish (3-1)
Green Bay Mermen (2-2)	vs.	Hamtown Hamboys (0-4)
Gordon Freeman (2-2)	vs.	Ministry of Silly Walks (2-2)
PNW Western WA East Siders (1-3)	vs.	Seattle Handegg Squad (0-4)